Happy Groundhog(s) Day

February 2, 2010February 2, 2010 ~ Jim Eltringham ~ Leave a comment

As the world waited breathlessly on Punxsutawney Phil’s prediction this morning, the Wall Street Journal entertainingly chronicled other, lesser-known groundhogs who predict the weather in other areas. Apparently, the rivalries get pretty intense:

Bob Will has been trotting out Dunkirk Dave for up to 100 people since the 1960s, and he has a number of pet peeves about Phil… “I just think that maybe Punxsutawney Phil should predict the weather the way Dunkirk Dave does, standing on his own on the ground, instead of being yanked up in the air and held,” says Mr. Will. “We don’t fake it here.” He suspects the Punxsutawney Inner Circle consults the long-range weather forecast to make sure Phil doesn’t look foolish.

Don’t drive angry, Mr. Will. The folks behind New York City’s Groundhog, Staten Island Chuck, have theories about Groundhog Day Central as well:

Peter Laline, general curator of the Staten Island Zoo, says Chuck has been right 22 of the past 29 years… He thinks Punxsutawney’s celebration is “more storybook and fairy tale,” noting that the town claims that Phil has lived for 100 years by sipping magical punch.

The article did not mention Laline’s ruminations on whether the Rock is the real Tooth Fairy.

The folks at PETA have a different idea altogether: last week they called on the Inner Circle of Punxsutawney to abandon the tradition of parading a groundhog about. Their solution? Robot groundhogs.

Maybe the robots or the myriad less-famous groundhogs would be more likely to predict early springs. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn’t imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.

Michael Vick: The best thing that ever happened to PETA

August 17, 2009August 17, 2009 ~ Jim Eltringham ~ 1 Comment

PETA is against factory farms, but it understands the value of milking every last drop of potential press attention from a story.

Michael Vick started practicing with the Philadelphia Eagles this weekend after signing a performance-based contract last week. PETA was quick to speak out against the signing. Previously, PETA had petitioned the NFL to mandate psychological testing after his prison term to determine whether Vick is a psychopath. They asked Vick to take their own “empathy test” – then publicly released his answers, exposing his sixth-grade level essay answers to public ridicule (despite a pretty good score). Earlier this year, they pulled a bait-and-switch during preliminary discussion of Vick appearing in a public service announcement.

And each time, PETA received press attention – which means they have fresh clips they can send to donors and prospective funders. (As Townhall’s Dwayne Horner has shown, like many non-profit organizations, PETA takes more direction from their funders than they’d like you to know.) If they ever kissed and made up with Vick, the media gravy train would stop – so don’t hold your breath waiting for that to happen.

If Vick and his handlers understand PR strategy they will ignore PETA – choosing instead to work with the ASPCA, local shelters, or other reputable organizations whose mission is to actually help animals. But the more likely scenario is that Vick feels the pressure of the protesters who will likely be present at every game (especially the prime time ones) and works fruitlessly to come to soem sort of agreement with PETA – an effort that would be like trying to “come to an agreement” with his new rival’s defensive line.

PETA wanted me to starve yesterday

February 28, 2009 ~ Jim Eltringham ~ Leave a comment

Create Your Own Sea Kitten at peta.org!

I try to be a good Catholic – which, as part of my faith, means not eating meat on Fridays during Lent. (No, wait, no meat on Fridays, period. No, no, just during Lent…) Anyway, I couldn’t eat meat yesterday, at least not land-meat. Fish was ok, in the eyes of the Church – but not, apparently, in the eyes of PETA, who have launched a new campaign to save the fish.

Their tongue-in-cheek view is that the reason people are so callous toward fishing is that the name “fish” is so unappealing. So PETA has renamed them “sea kittens.” Because kittens are cute and cuddly, get it?

In the political landscape, PETA is something of a mixed blessing. Silly campaigns like the Sea Kittens and Kentucky Fried Cruelty underscore their status as a fringe group, and demonstrate the left’s lack of common sense. And, since some nutcases are willing to send them money, they soak up resources that could be devoted to ideas that have a better chance of cracking the mainstream. However, groups like PETA also allow more mainstream liberals to distance themselves from the radical thought that serves as their philosophical foundation.

In other words, President Obama may be talking about a radical overhaul of the best health care system in the world – but hey, at least he’s not as crazy as those sea kitten whack-jobs, right?

(By the way – yesterday’s lunch was sushi. Meow.)