Santa Clara County is your new Mom!

I know: it doesn’t seem fair.

All the kids in the other counties get a toy with their Happy Meal.  But you live in Santa Clara County, and Santa Clara County says you aren’t allowed to have toys with your fast food.

This is important.  After all, some foods aren’t good for you if eaten in excess, and someone has to be there to tell you to stop.  Who else is going to to that?  Your parents?  With kid’s meal toys out of the picture, there’s nothing that draws kids into these fast food restaurants.  Well, other than the fact that the food tastes really good to a kid.

Those other counties may seem “way cooler” now, but wait a few years and you’ll see that Santa Clara County really did know what was best for you all along.

(Unless you run a fast food franchise close to one of Santa Clara’s county borders and are looking to get any business on a Saturday afternoon.  Then you’re screwed.)

A vision of Happy Meals yet to come has posted a vision for the 2013 Happy Meal. Some of the cool things include a Capri-sun style beverage container that lets you decide just how cherry you want your cherry Coke to be and a disposable iPod.

But their vision has its disturbing parts. First, the promotional tie-in is for Harriet Potter. (Hollywood isn’t exactly imaginationland, so let’s not give them any more recycling ideas.)

Even more bothersome is the warning from the “Health Czar,” which alerts customers to the common sense conclusion that a McDonald’s-exclusive diet is unhealthy. Of all the elements Wired sardonically predicts, this is the most likely to actually come true – depending on how agressively Obama’s celebrity pick for surgeon general wants to pursue anti-fast-food initiatives.

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